Stop distracting, avoiding, & numbing
Stop distracting, avoiding and numbing... Why moving towards discomfort will heal you.
Nervous system regulation is all the buzz right now, but what does this actually mean? And why does it matter?
Well, when our systems are dysregulated, we have a tendency to get stuck in the fight or flight. When this happens our stress hormones rise... and this disrupts our entire physiology. Over time, this lowers the chemicals in our brain that make us happy, raises our chronic inflammation, raises our blood sugar and all kinds of other consequences. This is the single largest driving factor of inflammatory symptoms that I see in my patients with chronic illness, especially autoimmunity.
Often times, our systems are predisposed from a very young age to become hypervigilant. Sometimes large traumas induce PTSD and this is very evident, but more often its something that seems innocuous like low-grade anxiety or perfectionism. Basically, our subconscious minds screen our environment for things that make us feel unsafe. This could be anything from a truly life threatening scenario to a shift in tone from a coworker that reminds you of one of your parents when you were little (or more accurately, a feeling you felt from that tone, like shame or inadequacy). This happens in the blink of an eye, and let me remind you it is subconscious for 99.9% of people. And believe it or not, the body can't tell the difference between real or perceived stress. Perception truly is reality, so whether the inciting event was actually "bad" is irrelevant.
This hypervigilant state turns on that fight or flight system. As you could imagine, a lot of us have a tendency of getting stuck here... a lot of the time.
So what the hell do we actually do about it?
The common answer here is meditation. And to be honest, I think it's the wrong move. Don't get me wrong, meditation is an incredible practice for many things. But most people I know that are suppressing emotions don't need to calm their minds, they need to move energy and feel those emotions. For many that I see, calming your mind, without further action, leads to further emotional repression.
Ironically, leaning into the discomfort is the answer. The more we scroll, numb, avoid, or distract, the more these emotions stay subconscious. When they are subconscious, they end up driving your nervous system and your health. When we move towards the uncomfortable feeling, to be with it and feel it (or move the energy in some other way physically), it settles on its own.
Think of a young child. If they are having a tantrum, what helps them? A good, long cry. A hug. A nap. Physically shifting their state, right? Telling them to think about something else doesn't work.
When you notice a low level emotion like frustration (think road rage), sit and breathe, and ask yourself - what is really going on underneath? Hint: It's probably not the random stranger on the road causing your frustration. It's probably the super scary thing going on in your life causing you fear.. and you just happen to flip your lid at the stranger because you're already on high alert. That feeling needs some TLC. That feeling is turning your nervous system on high alert. And typically the feeling will be associated with a physically feeling in your body (think tight jaw with anger, or stomach ache from nerves). The more we sit with it, the more it no longer needs to be seen. Our systems then can settle, and our inflammatory chemicals lower.
The mantra to think about here: Move out of the head, and into the body. We can't think ourselves out of feelings. We have to actually feel them (which sucks sometimes, I know). The more we do, the less they control our bodies. The waves do ultimately pass. Our systems will move into rest and digest. This is the system where we heal, digest, rest, connect, play and laugh... you really don't want to miss this one.
If you find the emotional practice too abstract, I get it. Start with something tangible. Practice moving towards discomfort in physical ways - such as cold exposure. Even a 30 second cold shower in the morning can do wonders. Remind your body in real time that it is safe and can surrender. This is nervous system training.
Go easy on yourself, there's no quick fix for this one. Its a practice. One day at a time, y'all.
As always, thanks for listening.
Doctor Erin
